well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
