you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
