His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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