did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so explain again why im purple
no
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
