I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
