I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
