Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
