That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
