I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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