i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
