What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
