I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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