ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
