I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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