I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize