ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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