The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
