did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
