remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
