i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
