I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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