I hate your face
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
