Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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