I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
