I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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