I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
