apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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