is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
