And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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