She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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