At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
