Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
