She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
