It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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