Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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