I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
