is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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