I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
