you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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