I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
