The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
