I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
