Screwed.edu
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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