I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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