I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
