I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
