God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
