My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
