woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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