READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Naked Twister starts at high noon
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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