I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
