I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
