Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
