That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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