The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have aggressive nipples.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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