Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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