he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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