FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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