I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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