The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
