Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
