Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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