Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
