How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
