my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im holly from the hills drunk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize