She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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