I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
