So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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