she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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