you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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